Is Love Enough?

[Link to the recording — note: only the second half of Sunday’s service was captured.]

Can we heal the world? Rev. Jim Boone opened our Sunday service with that question. One thing I love about Rev. Jim is how he keeps it real. His answer: "Seems like it’s not happening." Michael Jackson’s earnest, hopeful plea, Heal the World, set the tone for the talk.

A sunny Sunday -- the first official day of summer, a celebratory weekend. It was also Father’s Day, with Juneteenth just behind us, and the U.S. winning a World Cup match right here in Seattle.

Vocalist Miranda Westman sang a master class in soul-stirring history aligned with the talk. When I asked Google about the thread through our awesome song list, it said, “deeply spiritual anthems of unity, perseverance, and love.” So, next time you need a playlist…

We wrapped up the Solstice service with strawberry shortcake over coffee and conversation. Many thanks to Brenda Campbell for the summer treat!

What’s Love Got to Do with It

Tina Turner asked the question. Rev. Jim answered it with a question of his own: if there’s love, shouldn’t everything just go well? If there’s love, we expect “it” will go well -- whatever “it” is that we’re experiencing. And that’s just not how it works all the time.

To ground us in our own power, Rev. Jim guided us in a micro-practice: a few deep breaths, then say, “I love myself” on the in-breath. Repeat for a whole minute. He admitted this can be hard, and he’s made it a regular practice. He referenced the book, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It. Because it does.

And… he introduced a paradox… With love, there’s freedom. Juneteenth is about freedom. Freedom is a Science of Mind spiritual principle. Thomas Jefferson, slave owner, wrote about freedom: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal,” and, as Rev. Jim noted, it took 91 years of collective effort for that to be true (true in theory, anyway). Love, on its own, didn’t do that. Effort did, and a lot of conflict. Generations of people had to fight for what should have always been true.

Words aren’t always effective. Relationships run in cycles. We push each other’s buttons even when -- especially when -- we’re trying our hardest to be love.

To Prepare the Field…

Field of infinite possibility

Rev. Jim’s point was that our thoughts shape our reality, so if we want to actually live love instead of just feeling it, we must prepare the field for it first -- train the ground our thoughts live in, before we expect anything good to come from it.

He brought up Pam Grout’s talk from last year, the one about how many thoughts we have in a day -- somewhere around 60,000 depending on who’s counting -- and how the vast majority of those thoughts aren’t choices. They run by themselves, below the surface. All. The. Time. We’re not even aware of most of them.

So the real question isn’t whether we believe in love. It’s whether we’ve done anything to retrain ourselves to choose better thought habits. That's our work. And nobody can do it for us.

The Right Tool

Rev. Jim used himself as an example to make the point another way, though he made it clear it was hypothetical. The framework is true: I lead our marketing committee, he’s on it, and he was excited to use the Google ad grant nonprofits are eligible for, hoping it would bring in new people. The conversation he shared -- me coming to him, frustrated, naming the shortfall -- didn’t happen, but it helped make the point.

The point wasn’t about the feedback. It doesn’t matter how another person presents it, well or badly, kind or sharp. The choice that’s his to make is how he responds. We don’t control what other people say or do.

He walked through a few ways someone could respond. Brush it off -- it just takes time — true enough, but doesn’t further the conversation. Get defensive -- that’s not fair, look at everything we moved forward -- which might be true but also shuts down the conversation. Collapse into apology and excuse -- everything going on at home, at work, all the reasons for falling short -- which might be true, and still personalizes it and doesn't address the problem.

He then offered: You’re right, we haven’t seen results. I hear frustration, and I share it. I underestimated what this would take, and I’m glad you brought it up, because I think I see what’s next. Same facts. Different way to say it. Different outcome. Because the response wasn’t about his feelings. Instead, it specifically addressed the subject.

(One of those background thoughts, but conscious this time: A former manager of mine would say, "practice the pause" before you speak.)

Higher and Higher

Jackie Wilson’s Higher and Higher closed out the morning’s playlist, and it’s where Rev. Jim’s talk ended, too. He didn't deny conflict, but instead shared ways to rise to a new level.

He asked us a question none of us had a good answer to: while you were growing up, were you ever taught how to respond in an uncomfortable conversation? Reacting usually creates conflict, and we react because that’s our instinct and what we know.

Two different books that helped Rev. Jim are Feeling Good by David Burns and Byron Katie’s Love What Is. Both ask good questions, and Burns suggests writing down your automatic negative thoughts, or reactions, and then looking at them objectively. Katie asks of any circumstance or situation, “Is it true?” and "Can you absolutely know it's true?"

Both come back to something Rev. Jim said (relying on my scribbled notes, so it might not be a direct quote): Recognize how you talk to yourself before you decide how to talk to anyone else. You can't choose a different response to something you never noticed yourself doing.

Which leads us back to... Freedom. It's Science of Mind Principle 8. The idea that we're free to choose how to respond to anything, because no circumstance dictates our reaction for us. Not freedom from difficulty. Freedom to choose what we do with it, even with our buttons pushed and our reaction ready.

Rev. Jim wasn't telling us that love means no conflict. He described that love is the discipline of reaching for the better tool on the days you’d rather not, acknowledging that some days, you still won’t. That’s OK. The work is to notice which tool you grabbed, and try the other one next time.

Everyday People

Sly Stone’s closer made the same case: different folks, different strokes, and we still have to find a way to get along.

So, back to the question Rev. Jim opened with: Can we heal the world? Maybe not in one Sunday, and maybe not with love alone. But every person who reaches for the better tool instead of the easy reaction is doing their small, unglamorous part of it.

That’s important. One person, one thing at a time, one new choice made.

With gratitude,

Laura