Fear to Faith: Take the Wheel from Your Inner 5-Year-Old

On Sunday, Rev. Liz Mirante closed out our August Fear and the Furious theme with one of her favorite transformative tools, the Releasing Prayer. But first, she talked about where our automatic reactions come from: those quick, out-of-proportion outbursts we often regret.

When others do or say something that elicits a reaction from us, and it's usually a reaction, not a thoughtful response, it's common to say they “pushed our buttons.” But where do these buttons come from? And how do we make that reaction stop?

It's easy to make it all about them, the button pusher, and not take ownership.

Which is when she also shared a response I'm going to borrow, should I have the opportunity one day: "I may push your buttons, but I didn't install 'em."

Meet Your Inner 5-Year-Old

Right? So who did? It's probably something buried deeply in your subconscious, dating back to childhood. Most of what trips us up, and usually out of proportion to whatever just happened, was wired in early, and often before we turned five.

Rev. Liz reminded us that social science says we're about 5-years-old when we start drawing these conclusions. And, no 5-year-old is equipped to make a snap decision that ends up driving the rest of their life. Maybe it was an off-handed comment from a parent, an early teacher, a sibling, or from a tough experience we were too young to make sense of. An example Rev. Liz shared: A kid told she's lazy doesn't have the tools to argue; she just believes it.

Now, when something happens that, in our body or in our subconscious, feels similar, even if it's nothing like the original, we react instead of respond. Not because of what happened, but because of a long-ago decision.

The Releasing Prayer: Three Parts

First, name the lie - the core belief about ourselves. Most of us, by the time we're fully into adulthood, have an idea what it is - fear of rejection, there's not enough (scarcity), we're not enough, we're not this enough, we can't have what we want (that's mine), life's hard (another one of mine). Sometimes we have to do some therapy to get clear on this (I did). If you're not sure, Rev. Liz said it's when you get that 'sinking feeling' - a thought about who you are at your core and what is or isn't possible. It's also a feeling that shows up repeatedly.

What's hiding below the surface?

Next, what do we do to hide that belief? Or forestall it? What's your strategy to protect yourself? Maybe you're like Liz, and you use charm - be funny, likeable, so that no one notices. Or perhaps you withdraw, so you can't be seen, or you try to control every outcome, or you get defensive. Name that. She called it our word of resistance.

The last step is unity. What God quality do you want, or can you have faith in that lets you finally release that belief? To heal it? Maybe it's wholeness, abundance, love, freedom, power, unity, beauty.... What do you want to replace that dreaded feeling with?

Once you have these, she said to say them out loud and use your body (arms to the left, the right, and then overhead and down to the heart – you can see her demonstration in the playback here):

I release my belief in 'not enough.' I release my need for approval. I am grateful God (Spirit, Energy, Universe…) is the wholeness I am.

Faith Comes First

Most of the advice we’re given to ‘manage’ fear works on the surface level. But to really heal something that happened in childhood, we have to go deeper. Pausing and noticing is great – we can choose differently.

"Whatever God is, I am. Whatever God is not, I can't be."

But to really heal at the subconscious level, we have to work with the belief. And sometimes that requires that we have faith before we see or feel a change. We may not have words for what happened when it was imprinted; that’s why it keeps showing up.

And that’s why the Releasing Prayer works. Ernest Holmes said we have to meet our fear with a faith greater than the fear itself. Not proof, nor evidence. Faith.

In scripture, Jesus told people their own faith is what healed them. We work with the same principle. The stories we tell ourselves matter. Even if the God quality you claim doesn't feel true for you yet, by naming it and claiming it, it does its work below the surface.

Make it a Practice

Rev. Liz said to do this ritual seven times a day if the belief we need to heal is small, but aim for 70 times over 70 days if it's an old, stubborn one. If you get tripped up in public, find a bathroom, close the door, and take a minute to do it. It's a portable practice you can do anywhere, and a great addition to a regular morning practice. And, "what the body does, the soul remembers."

If you had planned to take the Fear to Faith workshop with Rev. Liz on Sunday (which was cancelled), and want to do or further explore this practice, practitioner Ann Forest Burns is available to work with you. Reach out to her.

A Month of Fear and Anger: New Ways of Being

We’ve just spent a month talking about fear and anger. I hope you’ve found some practices you can put to use as we navigate some challenging times, personally, in community, and on the world stage. 

I am continually grateful for this community, this philosophy, and the practices we teach. Sunday service truly is my weekly mindset reset, helping me stay focused on what matters most throughout the week.

Core Council Update

At our August meeting, the board approved recent financial statements, shared progress on our Senior Minister search — including a first candidate interview at the end of the month — and discussed updates to our exterior signage. Music Director Juniper Rayne joined us to talk about plans for our music program. We also talked about our upcoming annual pledge campaign in October, and ways members can get more involved this fall, from Sunday hospitality to open volunteer roles. You'll hear more about these soon!

Your Core Council meets the fourth Thursday of each month, and minutes are available on request.

With gratitude,

Laura