We're only .1% Different. Wait ... What?

In our sameness we connect, in our differences we grow.

That's been both a mantra and guide for me for decades, a simple sentence that keeps me accountable to what I say I believe, to something that matters to me. It's a line by Virginia Satir, the psychotherapist often called the mother of family therapy. I've used it in signature lines, in bios, and anywhere I can make a simple statement.

Sunday’s message song, What If, was written for us by Jillian Harrison and performed by our awesome featured artists, Ukelicious. “Just imagine, we’re branches of the same tree … rooted in the same earth … reaching for the same light … we belong to each other.” What an extraordinary gift. (Thank you, Jillian!)

That was a great lead-in for Rev. Dr. Larry King, who closed our monthly theme of Whole No Matter What, carrying that thread in his talk A World That Values All of Who We Are.

The Math of Sameness

Rev. Larry asked us to guess: genetically, how much do human beings actually have in common? Our responses, shouted from the audience, were pretty spot on! It's 99.9%. No matter your skin color, height, quirks, or whether you're built for a marathon or a porch swing, that's only a wee tenth of a percent.

Going back to the same source material, biologically, we're nearly identical.

What???

So what are those .1% differences? Besides our obvious external features, it's also our ideas, beliefs, opinions, the things we care about – all the things we say about ourselves that make us who we are.

Same Species, But Oh, So Different!

Rev. Larry was clear: If we all thought the same thing, we'd have one invention, one solution, one way through every problem. Instead, we get a beautiful, chaotic range of humanity. People who see things differently, do things differently, feel things differently. And sometimes, we make them wrong because they’re different. We don’t let them just be OK the way they are. Our opinions become facts we form judgments around.

Why "I Don't See Color" Doesn't Work

A lot of well-meaning people say it: I don't see color. I loved how Rev. Larry talked about this (if you missed his talk, you can watch it here). They want to sound accepting, but that's really anything but. We all want to be seen, right? At our core, at least in some fashion, by someone, being seen is validating. It’s one way we make our lives mean something. Without color, the world would all be black and white. And as much as I like the black-and-white combination, seeing everything in monotone would make life really boring, really quickly.

Rev. Larry's point was to pay attention and aim to stop judging what we notice. Judgment is the story we tell, usually out of habit, and often, depending on the subject, without evidence.

It's all connected...

That habit comes from our reptilian brain built for a different world, when life-and-death meant quickly assessing who was safe and who wasn’t. It kept our early ancestors alive thousands of years ago (maybe millions?). Now, it’s more of a hindrance than a help, and keeps us separated.

Finding Our Way to Sameness

Rev. Larry offered a few ways to view it. Get curious before you get certain. Aim to let go of the judgment. Try looking at people the way Spirit does, as a necessary part of the whole, not as a problem to solve.

We all have opinions. He asked, Can we hold them as opinions, and not as right or wrong?

Can we meet people where they truly are? And cheerlead them? Support them? How do we help them grow forward, rather than discounting them or making them wrong?

Do You

Rev. Larry had a phrase for the last part: be more you. Own what makes you different. It's not something to manage or smooth over. Our differences are what make us interesting and what make living interesting.

So notice our differences. All of them. Then celebrate them.

We don’t typically think about how 99.9% of our makeup is the same. And even within that tenth of a percent, we still have a lot in common - the underlying things we care about, what we love, what matters.

It’s in finding those connection points - those things we have in common in that one tenth of a percent - that we can look clearly, and acceptingly, at what's different among us. And when we can accept someone or something that truly feels, seems, or is different, that’s an opportunity for us to grow. To shift our mindset and explore new possibilities.

I’m up for the challenge. Are you?

With gratitude,

Laura